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Scenario: Mary and John are in a relationship. Elen is Mary's best friend.

What will make Mary devalue Elen more? Hearing that Elen likes John (romantically) or hearing that John likes Elen?

Let's assume that Mary and John have been dating for a few months. Mary is a dependent person with low self-esteem who would go to great lengths not to lose her boyfriend. All three of them are around 20 years old.

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up vote 1 down vote accepted

According with the description of Mary, I think that she would devalue her best friend.

Explanation: Elen and Mary have been friends for more time than John and Mary have been dating; this means that Mary could feel more betrayed because she trusted a lot in her friend, and respected her boyfriend. She's more likely to think that John does not like her because she's not enough good for him (because of her self-esteem), and that would generate more dependence (she would try to fix this problem because a part of her identity is at stake). Hope this help you.

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I know she would devalue her friend and not her boyfriend, but which of the two options would make her devalue her friend more? If I understood corectely, you are saying that she will devalue her friend more if she finds out that her friend likes her boyfriend? Thank you. – Alfa May 10 '14 at 19:17
Yea, Sorry about not answering the question, I think: John likes Elen = Anxiety, low self-esteem; Elen likes John = Hate – Baruch.wolf May 12 '14 at 14:12

Because Mary is in a relationship with John she likes him sexually. Liking somebody sexually has more value then a regular friendship, thus, even to begin with Elen has less value to Mary than the relationship that she has with John. Now, in addition to that, Elen begins to pose a threat to Mary's relationship with John by liking John. If that was not enough, John likes Elen, too.

I think that it's not rare that when a person starts dating somebody they stop being friends with other people. So, to answer the question: Mary will devalue Elen.

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