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When we become adults, we think that love is for adults only associating it with sexual relations but I'm sure that all of us have loved or have had some admiration for the daughter of the neighborhood or a girl attending the same school: that's an idyllic love, I'm sure.

If we know that childhood is characterized by a strong learning capacities and that the learned experiences will have a strong impact on the future behavior of the child, thus the future man or woman, can someone accept easily to see the girl(for a man) or the boy(for a girl) that he/she dreamt in married with another one (when he begins his adulthood).

Isn't such a heart-breaking experience, that can prevent our mind from trying to build new relationships (since we can not replace, at least in our mind,the representation of the loved one while it's becoming a nightmare in the same time)?

And when our mind survive this chaos, will he seek to find someone resembling the one loved during childhood without that we even notice?

  • How is it that people overcome the initial pain of failed love to feel brave enough to risk such pain again when starting relationships?

  • Do people tend to look for someone who reminds them of their first love?

  • Is there any studies or statistics for married couples that were "in love" since childhood?

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I've given this a big edit, I have taken the main questions that you ask and put them in bold, otherwise this question is offtopic for this site, as it is unclear what you're asking, rambles and asked too many questions within one post. You have made several assumptions in you question, so perhaps you could consider just tidying up your musings, as it's not suitable to write one's thoughts quite like this on this site. Let me know what you think of the edit. Cheers –  user3543 Oct 19 '13 at 0:51
that's a constructive edit,Skippy –  jihed gasmi Oct 19 '13 at 16:13

2 Answers 2

This answer reflects my own thoughts on this topic, It isn't any generalized opinion of psychologists that I am putting forth.

First:- Each person is indispensable (not just the one we love), comes with his own characteristics, teaches us to look at the world from different perspective. But we notice the impact of the one we love more than any other because we want to feel how he looks at the world, how he feels.

We want to feel how it is to be him? Therefore his characteristics become our characteristics (to an extent). Some people say that you become a person you are in love with. Now he has abandoned you, you miss him more and more because some part of him is still in you.

Failed love empties our world and induces a void within life. If given a chance to pinpoint the worst feeling related with failed love and longing for it, I would say that it's the vacuum that haunts us after the person we love doesn't accept us.

Therefore, trying to move on must be acknowledged as our attempt to fill that vacuum. Of course, by doing so we run the risk of being abandoned again. But that is small compared to our desire to fulfill our love, to fill that void.

Second:- Whether or not we look for someone who reminds us of the person we love is another paradigm of our love history.

  1. How acrimonious the breakup was?
  2. What stage of love were we at when this happened? Because more the time, more difficult will be to give up on the one you love
  3. Who according to us was responsible for the breakup?
  4. How dedicated we were in that relationship?

If a person thinks that he was responsible for the breakup, definitely he would search for someone with similar characteristics and once he finds one, he'd be conscious this time and wouldn't try to repeat his mistakes in this new relationship.

If he holds the other person responsible for the breakup, then it is difficult to try to accept some other person with same characteristics.

Third:- Really, I can't comment on this third one.

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While the impact of the first love experience can be very deep, many patterns start long before that. There are so many emotions we pick up from our parents and from the environment that, quite often, our perception of love is not even the result of our personal love experience.Often, it is not even our own pain, but perhaps our parents', that we've internalized as part of a general worldview, and then it gets manifested when we fall in love; and then we think it was our love experience that produced that pain.

Furthermore, regarding *the initial pain of love misadventure *, that "pain" usually has less to do with love and more with the ego: I wanted X, and I did not get what I wanted, or got it, but not for very long. (Incidentally, this pain is intrinsic to being alive, as pointed out by the Buddha.)

You've touched on so many things, I don't consider addressing them all... In any case, any trauma can be healed, no matter how deep (notwithstanding exceptions from war and concentration camps).

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