# What causes someone to feel anxious and lacking in confidence when outside the home? [closed]

Background Context: When at home, I feel like being myself - calm, free, productive, clearly thinking and wise person making logical decisions. But should any contact be made with outside world, through telephone or coming outside on street, I feel different. I start worrying and feel uncomfortable when people look at me, I start making mistakes when conversing with people and feel anxiety that makes me "lock up" which especially true when people raise their voice when someone has bad day for example which makes me feel it is my fault because I know I cannot perform well outside of my home. Maybe I said something stupid because of inability to think and behave like I usually behave at home? I may have good mood but it can be easily spoiled and I could be left feeling that way until next morning because sleeping usually relieves this.

The problem is that such behaviour causes problems because I cannot keep being me and make stupid mistakes while others think I am idiot. It seems in extreme situations I get so locked up, that I became freightened and lose my ability to express myself verbally and I can't stop and realize that I need to relax. On the phone with someone, this usually depends on voice and when it is unpleasant, angry it influences the dialog. Sometimes I need time to think, but feel that the other side is waiting for an answer for me and this makes me rush doing less logical choices throughout call. Strangely this happens with me when I communicate with relatives. But there is one person who I feel comfortable with and can be myself - my mom. Home is what makes me replenish my emotional tolerance and mom is the only person I feel comfortable with.

### Questions

• What causes someone to feel confident and happy when inside the home, but lack confidence and feel anxious when outside the home?
• What interventions are effective in increasing confidence and reducing anxiety in such circumstances?
• Is this phenomena related to high levels of emotional sensitivity?
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Welcome to the site. We don't usually allow self-help questions, thus it will be important to reframe the question so that it is more general in nature. I.e., can you edit the question so that it asks about the general phenomena rather than your own specific circumstances? I've given a little edit to try to put your circumstances as background context. – Jeromy Anglim Feb 20 at 23:30
Unfortunately I have had to go ahead and close this question as "Off Topic" because of it's self-help nature. Please see Why was my self-help question closed as off-topic? for more information. In this case, it was starting to attract answers which are therapeutic/advice oriented in nature, which is against the policy of our site to be research-driven. I wish you luck in finding help with this, sparkubullet! – Josh Gitlin Feb 21 at 13:22

## closed as off topic by Josh Gitlin♦Feb 21 at 13:20

Questions on Cognitive Sciences Stack Exchange are expected to relate to cognitive sciences within the scope defined in the FAQ. Consider editing the question or leaving comments for improvement if you believe the question can be reworded to fit within the scope. Read more about closed questions here.

(this was going to be a comment, but then it got long and required better formatting)

Welcome to CogSci.SE!

It looks like you could benefit from reading the FAQ (don't worry, many of us could benefit from reading it more in-depth, including me) .

Unfortunately, as it stands your question is unlikely to receive any positive attention.
There are a couple reasons for this:

1. The question is clearly a self-help question.
While the enforcement of this can be questionable, your question is a pretty strong example of a self-help question and we are not qualified to give medical advice!
2. The question has NO background research effort:
2.1 'Indigo children' is not a valid scientific concept. As a phrase, it generically describes traits for which we have since developed more specific and more reality-based classifications. It sounds like you are in particular referring to fluctuations in a biological trait called Sensory-processing Sensitivity (SPS), a general overview of which can be found at this Wikipedia page (I would recommend doing your own research though, as the terminology is still murky).
2.2 Emotional problems/issues are the result of many more complex factors than just 'personality'. The reasons that medications can (but don't always) work is because in some cases, these issues are caused by improperly-functioning systems in the human body. At other times, these systems are functioning perfectly well, but in such a way as to cause distress (reacting to improper cues, reacting too strongly or not strongly enough, etc). If you are interested, I would pursue knowledge about neuroscience and biochemistry in order to better understand the human body, mind, and the interaction between them.

With that said:

You may be able to provoke more interest if you reworded your question to be non-self-help or better yet contain references.

However, if there's one piece of advice I can give, it would be to find a therapist/counselor who you can trust and open up to. This may take a long time: you may have to search for the right therapist, you may have to spend enough time with one therapist in order to open up to them. But this should be one of your first stops on your journey.
Assuming you are living in the US, remember that unless they have lawful cause, it is illegal and a litigable violation of HIPAA law for them to disclose identifying information about you - a fact I've found comforting in my own interactions with counselors.

Lastly, with regards to: Is there a way to shape my behaviour, learn to control emotions while feeling free and still make logical decisions without being freightened and "locked up"?

To me, this sounds like it could be the description on the back of a Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) book. If you intend to see a therapist, you may look for one with a background in CBT.

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